Unfortunately I seem to be the only person who enjoys the board game Clue. Frankly, this observation, realized over years of hiding my disappointment at friends’ reactions of my suggestion to play this game, is quite shocking. Why is it that the mere mention of Twister triggers not only smiles, but expressions of great joy and excitement? It would seem to me that solving a mystery, in which the weapon is as old-school as a candlestick, and we get to pretend that people still have rooms like “libraries” and “conservatories,” would be much more enjoyable! How often is it that we’re encouraged to imagine such creative crime scenes? Not often enough if you ask me! And seriously, having to contort one’s body while revealing to everyone that you still get confused with “right” and “left” is just a bad, bad time.

Anyway, I bring up the sad state of Clue after a night spent doing my two favorite things: drinking, and playing board games. Both activities are quite stimulating on their own, but when you have the chance to combine them? An explosion of good times! Because my suggestion of Clue was predictably met with facial expressions hinting emotional pain, I reluctantly compromised. Fine. Balderdash would work too. To familiarize those of you who are, well, unfamiliar with this game, Balderdash is essentially The Dictionary Game. Minus a dictionary, and plus some fancy cards, colorful playing pieces, and a board.

My favorite word from the game would have to have been “yapok,” because the correct definition actually included the phrase “a handsome opossum.” Another noteworthy word? “Morpunky.” Honestly I don’t remember what that means, and have no interest in looking it up, but I’m going to incorporate it into daily speech. The Jonas Brothers were spotted in the West Village? What a morpunky occasion!

Other games that deserve mentioning…Scattergories! I like this game because it has that “r” that remains unpronounced. How sneaky of our friends over at Hasbro! Has this popularly silent letter always been there? Or did they just recently stick it in to weed out those who are not truly dedicated players? Note: This game is also best with alcohol accompaniment.

Sylvie and Sean have a special attachment to The Game of Life, and while I can appreciate their fascination with a game that allows players to become policemen and teachers without the usual interviews and W-4’s, I find this game to be rather tedious. The set-up time greatly exceeds the amount of playing time before boredom kicks in. In fact, the only game that takes more time to set up than Life is probably the board version of Legends of the Hidden Temple. And at least that one has a bridge with precarious stability! My favorite part of The Game of Life? Being able to say “Hey Banker, gimme four thou(sand)!” every time the die lands on a particular number. That’s an even quicker way to get money than prostitution! Maybe not as much fun though…

But the best game of all would have to be the one I invented myself! Although not appreciated in its early stages, this game has become a family tradition. I call it “Guess My Fortune Cookie Numbers!” I’m pretty sure this game needs no explanation of how to play or why it is amazing. It just is. It combines the mystery of not knowing someone’s numbers, the dramatic breaking of the cookie, and the discovery of said numbers. And what’s best is that it is ethnically diverse! I only invent games that break racial barriers.